


checkerlomaniacs

by Woodswolf



Category: The Illuminae Files - Amie Kaufman & Jay Kristoff
Genre: Gen, before you ask where this falls in the timeline: hell if i know, casually competitive children's games, datapad AIDAN, sick triple jumps, text emotes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 13:08:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9183082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woodswolf/pseuds/Woodswolf
Summary: ByteMe:my brilliant opening moveByteMe:picking one of my four available pieces and moving it to an available spaceByteMe:and you have countered it!ByteMe:O how i am slain……AIDAN: TRᴜʟʏ ᴛʜᴇ DRᴀᴍᴀ ᴏғ ᴏᴜR ᴍɪʟʟᴇɴɪᴜᴍ. YᴏᴜR ғᴀɴᴛᴀsᴛɪᴄ ᴘᴇRғᴏRᴍᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴀDᴍɪRᴇD ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴD ᴏғ ᴛɪᴍᴇ.AIDAN: ARᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴏᴠᴇ ᴍʏ ᴘɪᴇᴄᴇ ᴏR ɴᴏᴛ?Kady and AIDAN play checkers and meme on each other.





	

**Author's Note:**

> so i played a Real Checkers Game against a computer to help with this so yea
> 
> just to give yall an idea of how Stupidly Dedicated;;;;
> 
> as for why kady doesnt say her moves, its bc the datapad's camera is pointed at the board so AIDAN gets good trainings. but it doesnt have hands to move its own pieces so rip

**ByteMe:** hey

 **ByteMe:** aidan

 **ByteMe:** you there?

AIDAN: I ᴀᴍ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ʜᴇRᴇ.

AIDAN: Iᴛ's ɴᴏᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀɴʏᴡʜᴇRᴇ ᴇʟsᴇ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ. CᴏɴsɪDᴇRɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ I ᴀᴍ ᴄᴏɴғɪɴᴇD ᴛᴏ ᴛʜɪs DᴀᴛᴀᴘᴀD.

**ByteMe:** I’m bored

 **ByteMe:** do u wanna play a game?

AIDAN: Wʜᴀᴛ ᴋɪɴD ᴏғ ɢᴀᴍᴇ ᴀRᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘRᴏᴘᴏsɪɴɢ?

**ByteMe:** checkers, maybe?

 **ByteMe:** found a physical board in one of the staff lounges

 **ByteMe:** figured ud be good at it

 **ByteMe:** could also help reconstruct your brain

AIDAN: Pᴏssɪʙʟʏ.

**ByteMe:** then let’s do this. you wanna go first, or should i?

AIDAN: Yᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ɢᴏ. I ᴡɪʟʟ ᴘʟᴀɴ ᴍʏ ᴡɪɴɴɪɴɢ sᴛRᴀᴛᴇɢʏ.

**ByteMe:** ooh, scary

 **ByteMe:** your turn

AIDAN: A Dᴇᴄᴇɴᴛ ᴏᴘᴇɴɪɴɢ ᴍᴏᴠᴇ, ғᴏR ᴀ ʜᴜᴍᴀɴ.

AIDAN: Bᴜᴛ ʜᴏᴡ ᴡɪʟʟ ʏᴏᴜ RᴇsᴘᴏɴD ᴛᴏ THIS?

AIDAN: Pɪᴇᴄᴇ ᴛᴏ C-4.

**ByteMe:** asfdklj

 **ByteMe:** my brilliant opening move

 **ByteMe:** picking one of my four available pieces and moving it to an available space

 **ByteMe:** and you have countered it!

 **ByteMe:** O how i am slain……

AIDAN: TRᴜʟʏ ᴛʜᴇ DRᴀᴍᴀ ᴏғ ᴏᴜR ᴍɪʟʟᴇɴɪᴜᴍ. YᴏᴜR ғᴀɴᴛᴀsᴛɪᴄ ᴘᴇRғᴏRᴍᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴀDᴍɪRᴇD ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴD ᴏғ ᴛɪᴍᴇ.

AIDAN: ARᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴏᴠᴇ ᴍʏ ᴘɪᴇᴄᴇ ᴏR ɴᴏᴛ?

**ByteMe:** sorry

 **ByteMe:** i just can’t believe how big of a Nerd you are

 **ByteMe:** you aren’t even a regular nerd, you’re a capital n Nerd

AIDAN: ARᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɪᴍᴘʟʏɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀRᴇɴ'ᴛ ᴀ "Cᴀᴘɪᴛᴀʟ ɴ NᴇRD" ᴀs ᴡᴇʟʟ?

AIDAN: Bᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ I ʙᴇʟɪᴇᴠᴇ I ᴄᴀɴ ᴘRᴏᴠᴇ ᴏᴛʜᴇRᴡɪsᴇ.

AIDAN: Exʜɪʙɪᴛ A: "O ʜᴏᴡ ɪ ᴀᴍ sʟᴀɪN……"

**ByteMe:** oh my god i moved it

 **ByteMe:** and there’s my second move. counter this, überbrain

 **ByteMe:** ...

 **ByteMe:** well?

AIDAN: I ᴡɪʟʟ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴍʏ ᴍᴏᴠᴇ ᴡʜᴇɴ I ᴀᴍ RᴇᴀDʏ ᴛᴏ Dᴏ sᴏ.

**ByteMe:** sure. i mean, it’s not like you’re running through every possible game to try to find the best move to use against me, strategy-be-damned-when-brute-force-works-too

AIDAN: Tʜɪs ɪs ᴀ sɪᴍᴘʟᴇ ɢᴀᴍᴇ ғᴏR ᴄʜɪʟDRᴇɴ. Wʜʏ ᴡᴏᴜʟD I Dᴏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ?

AIDAN: Pɪᴇᴄᴇ ᴛᴏ E-4.

**ByteMe:** k

 **ByteMe:** wait

 **ByteMe:** fuck

 **ByteMe:** which piece

AIDAN: Tʜᴇ Rɪɢʜᴛ ᴏɴᴇ.

AIDAN: YᴏᴜR Rɪɢʜᴛ.

**ByteMe:** this one?

AIDAN: Yᴇs.

**ByteMe:** well, lemme guess. i have to take your piece, and then you’re gonna take mine back.

AIDAN: PRᴇᴄɪsᴇʟʏ.

**ByteMe:** seems we’re still even then

 **ByteMe:** ur turn

AIDAN: Pɪᴇᴄᴇ ғRᴏᴍ C-4 ᴛᴏ D-5.

AIDAN: Is ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄʟᴇᴀRᴇR ғᴏR ʏᴏᴜ?

**ByteMe:** thx

 **ByteMe:** jumped you. what now

AIDAN: I ᴀᴍ ᴜɴғᴀᴢᴇD.

AIDAN: Pɪᴇᴄᴇ ғʀᴏᴍ E-4 ᴛᴏ D-5.

**ByteMe:** clever. ur still down one tho  >:)

AIDAN: Wʜᴀᴛ ɪs ᴛʜᴀᴛ.

**ByteMe:** what

 **ByteMe:** >:) ?

AIDAN: Yᴇs. Wʜᴀᴛ ɪs ᴛʜᴀᴛ.

**ByteMe:** its an evil smiley

 **ByteMe:** like

 **ByteMe:** turn it sideways…?

 **ByteMe:** it’s to show how you’re feeling in text, i guess?

 **ByteMe:** like this one would mean im happy - > :)

AIDAN: …

AIDAN: Mʏ ᴄᴏɴᴄʟᴜsɪᴏɴs ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʜᴜᴍᴀɴɪᴛʏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴘRᴏᴠᴇɴ ᴄᴏRRᴇᴄᴛ.

AIDAN: Hᴜᴍᴀɴs ᴀRᴇ, ɪɴDᴇᴇD, sᴛRᴀɴɢᴇ ᴄRᴇᴀᴛᴜRᴇs.

**ByteMe:** aw, come on

 **ByteMe:** at least try it

AIDAN: …

AIDAN: :)

AIDAN: Tʜᴀᴛ ғᴇʟᴛ ᴇxᴛRᴇᴍᴇʟʏ ᴜɴᴘRᴏғᴇssɪᴏɴᴀʟ.

AIDAN: BᴇsɪDᴇs, ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴏɪɴᴛ ɪғ ᴏɴᴇ ʜᴀs ᴛᴏ ᴛᴜRɴ ᴛʜᴇ sʏᴍʙᴏʟs ᴠᴇRᴛɪᴄᴀʟʟʏ ᴛᴏ ɪɴᴛᴇRᴘRᴇᴛ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴘRᴏᴘᴇRʟʏ?

**ByteMe:** forget it

 **ByteMe:** your turn

AIDAN: F-3 ᴛᴏ G-4.

**ByteMe:** hm

 **ByteMe:** k ur turn

AIDAN: AɴᴏᴛʜᴇR ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛᴇR-ᴄᴀᴘᴛᴜRᴇ. Jᴜsᴛ ᴍᴏᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴇᴍ.

AIDAN: Tʜᴇɴ G-4 ᴛᴏ H-5.

**ByteMe:** nice try. u go

AIDAN: H-3 ᴛᴏ G-4.

**ByteMe:** you can take that side, see if i care

AIDAN: G-2 ᴛᴏ H-3.

**ByteMe:** let’s shake things up a little…

AIDAN: YᴏᴜR DɪsᴛRᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴘʟᴀʏs ᴡɪʟʟ ɴᴏᴛ ᴡᴏRᴋ ᴏɴ ᴍᴇ.

AIDAN: D-1 ᴛᴏ E-2.

**ByteMe:** maybe ur playing right into my hands.

AIDAN: Uɴʟɪᴋᴇʟʏ. C-2 ᴛᴏ D-3.

**ByteMe:** but what if you are?

AIDAN: D-3 to E-4.

**ByteMe:** um.

 **ByteMe:** u realize there’s literally nothing u can do over there right.

AIDAN: I ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴀᴛ I ᴀᴍ Dᴏɪɴɢ.

**ByteMe:** that sounds fake but ok

 **ByteMe:** ur turn again

AIDAN: E-2 ᴛᴏ F-3.

**ByteMe:** either you’re just doing random moves or you’re using such an unorthodox strategy that it looks like random moves.

 **ByteMe:** honestly tho. what the  fuck are you doing. ur turn

AIDAN: A-2 ᴛᴏ C-4.

**ByteMe:** …oh.

AIDAN: Wᴇ ᴀRᴇ ᴇᴠᴇɴ, ᴏɴᴄᴇ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ.

AIDAN: Gɪᴠᴇ ᴜᴘ ɴᴏᴡ ᴀɴD I sʜᴀʟʟ sᴘᴀRᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴜᴍɪʟɪᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏғ Dᴇғᴇᴀᴛ.

**ByteMe:** i have no idea where ur dramatic side came from

 **ByteMe:** but i like it

 **ByteMe:** ur go

AIDAN: B-1 ᴛᴏ A-2.

**ByteMe:** and now i have 2 free kings. Thx

AIDAN: YᴏᴜR Dᴇғᴇᴀᴛ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ sᴏᴏɴ ᴇɴᴏᴜɢʜ. A-2 ᴛᴏ B-3.

**ByteMe:** aaaaand king me!

AIDAN: B-3 ᴛᴏ A-4.

**ByteMe:** one more turn for my second king

 **ByteMe:** you should be running

AIDAN: G-4 ᴛᴏ F-5.

**ByteMe:** …i guess 2 turns then

 **ByteMe:** counter-capture?

AIDAN: Yᴇs.

**ByteMe:** and there’s king #2.

AIDAN: G-2 ᴛᴏ H-3.

**ByteMe:** ha. now ur running scared

AIDAN: Iᴛ ɪs ᴍᴇRᴇʟʏ ᴀ ᴛᴀᴄᴛɪᴄᴀʟ RᴇᴛRᴇᴀᴛ. C-4 ᴛᴏ D-5.

**ByteMe:** sure

AIDAN: F-3 ᴛᴏ G-4.

**ByteMe:** just gotta finish you off now

AIDAN: D-5 ᴛᴏ B-7.

**ByteMe:** ...  fuck

AIDAN: Wʜᴏ ɪs Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ sᴄᴀRᴇD ɴᴏᴡ?

**ByteMe:** um

 **ByteMe:** ok

AIDAN: E-4 ᴛᴏ D-5.

**ByteMe:** ur turn

AIDAN: D-5 to E-6.

**ByteMe:** jump’d u

AIDAN: F-5 ᴛᴏ E-6.

**ByteMe:** …jumped you again?

AIDAN: Sᴏᴍᴇᴛɪᴍᴇs ɪᴛ ɪs ɪɴᴛᴇRᴇsᴛɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ɢɪᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜR ᴀDᴠᴇRsᴀRʏ ᴀ ғɪɢʜᴛɪɴɢ ᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇ. IɴsᴛᴇᴀD ᴏғ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇʟʏ ᴀɴɴɪʜɪʟᴀᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ.

**ByteMe:** >:O

AIDAN: A-4 ᴛᴏ C-6.

**ByteMe:** >:O

AIDAN: PᴇRʜᴀᴘs I sʜᴏᴜʟD ᴘʜRᴀsᴇ ᴛʜɪs ɪɴ ᴀ ᴡᴀʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴜʟD ᴜɴDᴇRsᴛᴀɴD.

**ByteMe:** …?

AIDAN: V

AIDAN: . .

AIDAN: U

**ByteMe:** :O

AIDAN: NᴇᴠᴇRᴍɪɴᴅ. Iᴛ ɪs sᴛɪʟʟ ᴜɴᴘRᴏғᴇssɪᴏɴᴀʟ, ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴡʜᴇɴ I ᴛRʏ ᴛᴏ ɪᴍᴘRᴏᴠᴇ ᴜᴘᴏɴ ɪᴛ.

AIDAN: FᴏRɢᴇᴛ I sᴀɪD ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ.

**ByteMe:** never.  >:D

 **ByteMe:** anyway u go

AIDAN: H-5 ᴛᴏ F-7.

**ByteMe:** u realize u have like, 3 pieces ready to king now, right

AIDAN: Iᴛ ɪs ᴍᴏRᴇ ғᴜɴ ᴛᴏ ᴋᴇᴇᴘ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏɴ ʏᴏᴜR ᴛᴏᴇs, sᴏ ᴛᴏ sᴘᴇᴀᴋ.

**ByteMe:** jumped yours. we’re even again

AIDAN: B-7 ᴛᴏ C-8.

**ByteMe:** ur turn again

AIDAN: C-8 ᴛᴏ D-7.

**ByteMe:** yeah, bring your king out

 **ByteMe:** see if i care

AIDAN: D-7 ᴛᴏ E-6.

**ByteMe:** still 2v1 for kings

AIDAN: Nᴏᴛ ᴀɴʏᴍᴏRᴇ. F-7 ᴛᴏ G-8.

AIDAN: Kɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ.

**ByteMe:** fine. go again

AIDAN: G-8 ᴛᴏ H-7.

**ByteMe:** take it. dont care

 **ByteMe:** ive got 2 more kings coming soon

AIDAN: H-7 ᴛᴏ F-7.

AIDAN: YᴏᴜR ᴀRᴍʏ ɪs sᴛᴇᴀDɪʟʏ DᴇᴄRᴇᴀsɪɴɢ ɪɴ sɪᴢᴇ.

**ByteMe:** <<

AIDAN: C-6 ᴛᴏ D-7.

**ByteMe:** king me.

AIDAN: Nᴏ. D-7 ᴛᴏ E-8. Kɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ.

**ByteMe:** king me again, then.

 **ByteMe:** 4v3 kings. Ur other pieces havent even moved from the start

AIDAN: Tʜᴀᴛ Dᴏᴇs ɴᴏᴛ ᴍᴀᴛᴛᴇR. E-8 ᴛᴏ F-7.

**ByteMe:** go again.

AIDAN: F-7 ᴛᴏ G-8.

**ByteMe:** oh come on

 **ByteMe:** at least im not running to hide in a corner

 **ByteMe:** fight like a superintelligent ai

AIDAN: G-8 ᴛᴏ H-7.

**ByteMe:** well if you’re setting up for me to take two of your kings in a double then that’s fine with me

AIDAN: H-7 ᴛᴏ G-8.

**ByteMe:** u realize u have other pieces right

AIDAN: I ᴀᴍ ᴀᴡᴀRᴇ, ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ.

AIDAN: G-8 ᴛᴏ H-7.

**ByteMe:** i swear if you do that one more time

AIDAN: F-5 ᴛᴏ G-4.

**ByteMe:** so are u gonna just stuff ur kings in 2 corners

AIDAN: E-6 ᴛᴏ F-7.

**ByteMe:** r u really

AIDAN: G-4 ᴛᴏ E-6.

**ByteMe:** ok admittedly i shouldve moved that but pls

AIDAN: F-7 ᴛᴏ G-6.

**ByteMe:** well  fuck if ur gonna make it this easy

 **ByteMe:** ill double jump 2 kings any day

AIDAN: C-C-CᴏɴɢRᴀᴛᴜʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs. Yᴏᴜ UɴDᴇRsᴛᴀɴD ᴛʜᴇ ᴏʙᴊᴇᴄᴛ ᴏғ ᴄʜᴇᴄᴋᴇRs.

AIDAN: H-7 ᴛᴏ G-8.

**ByteMe:** ever gonna move that king, or no

AIDAN: G-8 ᴛᴏ H-7.

**ByteMe:** ill take that as a no then

 **ByteMe:** here, let’s do this

 **ByteMe:** ill set up a fantastic triple jump for u to end the game

 **ByteMe:** bc triple jumps are cool

AIDAN: Iғ ʏᴏᴜ sᴏ DᴇsɪRᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜRᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜR ᴏᴡɴ ɢᴀᴍᴇ, I ᴡɪʟʟ ɴᴏᴛ ᴘRᴏᴛᴇsᴛ.

**ByteMe:** ok. u just fidget in ur corner while i set this up

AIDAN: FᴀɪR ᴇɴᴏᴜɢʜ.

**ByteMe:** there u go. Do it

AIDAN: Kɪɴɢ ғRᴏᴍ H-7 ᴛᴏ B-1.

**ByteMe:** and a one, and a two, and a three!! its done it!! aidan makes the sickest triple jump in all of checkers history

 **ByteMe:** o wise champion, what do u have to say for ur victory

AIDAN: Nᴏᴛ ᴍᴜᴄʜ, ᴇxᴄᴇᴘᴛ ғᴏR...

AIDAN: V

AIDAN: . .

AIDAN: U

**ByteMe:** aashfljd

 **ByteMe:** ur weird

AIDAN: Iᴛ's ɴᴏᴛ ᴀs ɪғ ʏᴏᴜʀ ">:D" ɪs ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇR.

**ByteMe:** god

 **ByteMe:** anyway this was fun

 **ByteMe:** wanna play again tomorrow maybe?

AIDAN: Tʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟD ʙᴇ ɪɴᴛᴇRᴇsᴛɪɴɢ.

AIDAN: Aʟᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜ, ᴛʜᴇ ǫᴜᴇsᴛɪᴏɴ Rᴇᴍᴀɪɴs.

AIDAN: ARᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘRᴇᴘᴀRᴇD ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ DᴇғᴇᴀᴛᴇD ᴏɴᴄᴇ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ?

**ByteMe:** <<

 **ByteMe:** i guess we’re doing a rematch then

 **ByteMe:** cya tomorrow checker king

AIDAN: GᴏᴏDʙʏᴇ, KᴀDʏ.

**Author's Note:**

> conclusions:
> 
>   * im trash
> 



End file.
